Reming wasn’t to be left out. He checked her out himself, from a distance initially.
She glanced over her shoulder and she noticed a man who has probably nothing better to do with his time. She buried herself in her dressmaking work, her head slightly bowed. The next time she raised her head, he was in front of her. She was rattled. And so were her stitches.
The guy turned out to be the nephew of her employer.
He was magnetized. She was electrified. Her sewing mistakes were pardoned also in consideration of electromagnetism, a fundamental force of nature, which may suddenly induce erratic motor and coordination spasms especially for non-physicists and non-engineers alike among Homo sapiens.
Fifty years later, the couple couldn’t be separated by any repulsively charged particle on their way.
On 16Oct2011, my team was commissioned to cover the Golden Wedding anniversary of Reming and Felicing Gregorio. They could very well be my grandparents, hence, I’ll address them Lolo Reming and Lola Felicing from hereon.
The church ceremony was set 10am at St. Joseph Cathedral, an imposing structure at San Jose City proper. The reception followed at Mokara Garden, Sto. Tomas, San Jose City.
Although the event was a huge milestone already, I admit I was expecting no more than an exalted version of a family reunion. At the end of the gathering, my presumption was a glaring mistake.
Instead of dwelling on the highlights of the one day affair, I chose to write about the gems of this 50-year affair. What lessons can we get from such an enduring relationship? Obviously, it was compelling for me to go back to Lolo Reming and Lola Felicing—without my camera—to extract the non-visual substance of their story. My interview outline encompassed a broad range of topics. Dealing with conflicts. Raising children. Handling money. Dealing with in-laws. Balancing work and family.
Dealing with conflicts. Each of them avoids head-on collision. Lolo Reming could exert extra effort to pacify Lola Felicing by bringing her favorite food items, sometimes through their children. The other trick to avoid inflicting deep-seated hurts is to refrain from public humiliation.
Raising children. At bed time, they routinely extend their hands over each child in prayer. Guidance in their studies and good health were common supplications. When kids arrive home, they were trained to kiss the parents. Lolo Reming and Lola Felicing would initiate a small talk. This has a practical management value. The physical contact and the conversation allow the parents to check for potential onset of vices such as smoking and drinking. The boys required a more strict rein. Hence, they were enrolled in a nearby state university. The girls were well-behaved so they were allowed to study in Manila. However, part of the management control was surprise visits.
Neither Lolo Reming nor Lola Felicing strongly influenced any of their kids to favor one profession over the other. And so, what were the childhood aspirations of their children? Lola Felicing answered with a laugh from their innocent past. Rey, the eldest, wanted to become an electrical engineer. For practical reasons, he settled for agricultural engineering. Vicky, the second child, dreamt of becoming a first lady. Ric, inspite of his streak of juvenile mischief that would manifest later, originally wanted to become a priest. Merly, the youngest, simply wanted to become Nanay.
The value of education has been instilled in the family. As young students, all of their kids reaped various kinds of scholastic citations. Most cooperative. Outstanding student. Outstanding pianist. Outstanding scout. Service ability. Special mention. Top ten. Declaimer of the year. 2nd honor. In fact, their ribbons and medals are well-kept and displayed in a big, old frame in the house. There were 9 medals and 43 ribbons.
Rey was a particularly voracious reader. It didn’t take very long for him to require an eyeglass, much sooner than his siblings.
Ric, in Lola Felicing’s word, was madaling maglaho. All it takes for him to execute his lightning-quick escape was for you to momentarily turn to acknowledge a passing neighbor. Ric had a huge horde of friends everywhere. However, he still reserved a high regard for schooling. His approach was cleverly calculating. It took him 6 years to finish his BSAgricultural Engineering but he never once failed in his academics. Well before his scholastic misadventures would drag him to the flunking roster, he would drop the subject. He passed the board exam in his first attempt. This time, he fulfilled his promise. After his schooling, he said he’ll change his ways. True enough, he stays sober to this day.
Lolo Reming emphasized the value of empowering the children. If any of them fails and gets impoverished, he cannot abandon any one.
Handling money. Lolo Reming is the primary breadwinner and Lola Felicing is the budget officer. Being Ilocana, Lola Felicing was naturally frugal. Lolo Reming is among the pioneering tailor in San Jose City. In the past, business was much profitable. He was tempted to splurge his earnings, just like some of his buddies but he eventually steered himself away from a capricious lifestyle.
Aside from the household budget, they saved methodically for three things: 1] Health or medicine, 2] Education, and a 3] House.
Intentionally, they kept their financial status off from their kids. “Kung alam ng mga anak mo na may sobra kang pera, syempre hingi nang hingi ‘yan,” Lolo Reming explained.
Dealing with in-laws. “Saksakan ng bait,” he said of his in-laws. “Nakipisan muna kami ng isang buwan sa kanila pagkakasal. Hindi ako hiningan ng kahit na ano,” he shared. “Kung anong meron, kusang naghahain,” he added.
As such, dealing with difficult in-laws is a foreign concept to him.
Balancing work and family. Both of them work at home so Lolo Reming and Lola Felicing are experts at multitasking. They attend to both work and household concerns simultaneously. When a child needs help in his studies, they could assist while running the tailor shop.
Quite remarkable is their management skills that they also succeeded in maintaining a stable of faithful workers who have grown old with them.
Relationships are strongly valued by both Lolo Reming and Lola Felicing, even with their neighbors. “Nung nagpatayo kami ng bahay dito sa Sto. Tomas, 1995, kami lang yata ang hindi binato,” shares Lolo Reming. A house could be a status symbol in the neighborhood and but if that status is highly placed over relationships, sooner or later, that pride which rises boastfully over the others, will be struck. In the case of the Sto. Tomas folks, a newly-built house is traditionally and literally stoned if the owner is not well-received in the community.
At some point, their tailoring business grew profitably but he never desired to become a millionaire. Wealth is a two-edged sword. He said it can improve your life but it can also ruin your attitude and relationships.
Rev. Fr. Remigio Malgapo, the officiating priest in their Golden Wedding church ceremony, is another manifestation of a valued relationship. Lolo Reming was a regular host of his tukayo priest who used to hold pastoral visits in Sto. Tomas a long time ago. Their morbid banter was a testament to their closeness. “Kung sino man mauna sa amin, pangakong dadalawin nung isa” Lolo Reming said with a laugh. Fr. Malgapo, he said, offered he would say Mass for free, without a stipend.
The other overflowing attribute of Lolo Reming and Lola Felicing is gratitude. “Kapag nayari na ang lakad namin, kahit saan pa man yan, naghahanap kami ng simbahan para magpasalamat. Kung humiling ka man sa susunod, hindi ka mahihiya dahil hindi ka nakalimot sa Kanya,” Lolo Reming said of their ritual.
At Mokara during the reception, I was actually surprised that Lolo Reming, in his old age, took the effort of thanking his family, relatives, friends, employees and guests one by one, in such a long litany of names and gratitude. I was expecting age will take its toll on his memory but he never needed a list to remind and guide him. Gratitude is deeply embedded in him.
He’s a fully satisfied man now. He looked at me straight, paused, and counted with his fingers. “Gusto ko lang naman, makatapos ang mga anak, magkaroon ng sariling bahay, maging maayos ang mga apo, mailayo sa sakit. Wala na akong mahihiling pa.”
I tried profiling their personality to cover another aspect of their enduring relationship. Lolo Reming is direct, determined, appreciative. He has an aura of business-oriented professionalism. Lola Felicing is submissive. She defers naturally to Lolo Reming. From these attributes alone, I think these are too simple ingredients to build a 50-year marriage.
Again, my reflection swung to the Mokara reception. The tribute was extremely extended. It was like a long playing variety show. Song and dance numbers were affectionately offered by adults and kids alike. Greetings and messages from Australia were played. Somebody even went as far as securing a framed Apostolic Blessing for Lolo Reming and Lola Felicing from Pope Benedict!
Before leaving Mokara, Lolo Reming and Lola Felicing stopped by us, photographers. After thanking our group, Lolo Reming turned to me. “Salamat dahil nandito kayong mga officemates ni Rey. Ibig sabihin, maayos ang samahan ninyo sa opisina dahil dumalo kayo.”
Gratitude and valued relationships. These are hallmarks of Lolo Reming and Lola Felicing’s flourishing marriage.
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Copyright 2012 Jerry James M. de la Torre for istoriami.
