Golden Affair

Once upon a time, in a tailor shop not so far away, there worked a young, newly-hired seamstress. Blooming at 19, Felicing easily became the subject of curiosity, albeit in hushed tones, among young men in the 1960s neighborhood.

Reming wasn’t to be left out. He checked her out himself, from a distance initially.

She glanced over her shoulder and she noticed a man who has probably nothing better to do with his time. She buried herself in her dressmaking work, her head slightly bowed. The next time she raised her head, he was in front of her. She was rattled. And so were her stitches.

The guy turned out to be the nephew of her employer.

He was magnetized. She was electrified. Her sewing mistakes were pardoned also in consideration of electromagnetism, a fundamental force of nature, which may suddenly induce erratic motor and coordination spasms especially for non-physicists and non-engineers alike among Homo sapiens.

Fifty years later, the couple couldn’t be separated by any repulsively charged particle on their way.

On 16Oct2011, my team was commissioned to cover the Golden Wedding anniversary of Reming and Felicing Gregorio. They could very well be my grandparents, hence, I’ll address them Lolo Reming and Lola Felicing from hereon.

The church ceremony was set 10am at St. Joseph Cathedral, an imposing structure at San Jose City proper. The reception followed at Mokara Garden, Sto. Tomas, San Jose City.

Although the event was a huge milestone already, I admit I was expecting no more than an exalted version of a family reunion. At the end of the gathering, my presumption was a glaring mistake.

Instead of dwelling on the highlights of the one day affair, I chose to write about the gems of this 50-year affair. What lessons can we get from such an enduring relationship? Obviously, it was compelling for me to go back to Lolo Reming and Lola Felicing—without my camera—to extract the non-visual substance of their story. My interview outline encompassed a broad range of topics. Dealing with conflicts. Raising children. Handling money. Dealing with in-laws. Balancing work and family.

Dealing with conflicts. Each of them avoids head-on collision. Lolo Reming could exert extra effort to pacify Lola Felicing by bringing her favorite food items, sometimes through their children. The other trick to avoid inflicting deep-seated hurts is to refrain from public humiliation.

Raising children. At bed time, they routinely extend their hands over each child in prayer. Guidance in their studies and good health were common supplications. When kids arrive home, they were trained to kiss the parents. Lolo Reming and Lola Felicing would initiate a small talk. This has a practical management value. The physical contact and the conversation allow the parents to check for potential onset of vices such as smoking and drinking. The boys required a more strict rein. Hence, they were enrolled in a nearby state university. The girls were well-behaved so they were allowed to study in Manila. However, part of the management control was surprise visits.

Neither Lolo Reming nor Lola Felicing strongly influenced any of their kids to favor one profession over the other. And so, what were the childhood aspirations of their children? Lola Felicing answered with a laugh from their innocent past. Rey, the eldest, wanted to become an electrical engineer. For practical reasons, he settled for agricultural engineering. Vicky, the second child, dreamt of becoming a first lady. Ric, inspite of his streak of juvenile mischief that would manifest later, originally wanted to become a priest. Merly, the youngest, simply wanted to become Nanay.

The value of education has been instilled in the family. As young students, all of their kids reaped various kinds of scholastic citations. Most cooperative. Outstanding student. Outstanding pianist. Outstanding scout. Service ability. Special mention. Top ten. Declaimer of the year. 2^nd honor. In fact, their ribbons and medals are well-kept and displayed in a big, old frame in the house. There were 9 medals and 43 ribbons.

Rey was a particularly voracious reader. It didn’t take very long for him to require an eyeglass, much sooner than his siblings.

Ric, in Lola Felicing’s word, was madaling maglaho. All it takes for him to execute his lightning-quick escape was for you to momentarily turn to acknowledge a passing neighbor. Ric had a huge horde of friends everywhere. However, he still reserved a high regard for schooling. His approach was cleverly calculating. It took him 6 years to finish his BSAgricultural Engineering but he never once failed in his academics. Well before his scholastic misadventures would drag him to the flunking roster, he would drop the subject. He passed the board exam in his first attempt. This time, he fulfilled his promise. After his schooling, he said he’ll change his ways. True enough, he stays sober to this day.

Lolo Reming emphasized the value of empowering the children. If any of them fails and gets impoverished, he cannot abandon any one.

Handling money. Lolo Reming is the primary breadwinner and Lola Felicing is the budget officer. Being Ilocana, Lola Felicing was naturally frugal. Lolo Reming is among the pioneering tailor in San Jose City. In the past, business was much profitable. He was tempted to splurge his earnings, just like some of his buddies but he eventually steered himself away from a capricious lifestyle.

Aside from the household budget, they saved methodically for three things: 1] Health or medicine, 2] Education, and a 3] House.

Intentionally, they kept their financial status off from their kids. “Kung alam ng mga anak mo na may sobra kang pera, syempre hingi nang hingi ‘yan,” Lolo Reming explained.

Dealing with in-laws. “Saksakan ng bait,” he said of his in-laws. “Nakipisan muna kami ng isang buwan sa kanila pagkakasal. Hindi ako hiningan ng kahit na ano,” he shared. “Kung anong meron, kusang naghahain,” he added.

As such, dealing with difficult in-laws is a foreign concept to him.

Balancing work and family. Both of them work at home so Lolo Reming and Lola Felicing are experts at multitasking. They attend to both work and household concerns simultaneously. When a child needs help in his studies, they could assist while running the tailor shop.

Quite remarkable is their management skills that they also succeeded in maintaining a stable of faithful workers who have grown old with them.

Relationships are strongly valued by both Lolo Reming and Lola Felicing, even with their neighbors. “Nung nagpatayo kami ng bahay dito sa Sto. Tomas, 1995, kami lang yata ang hindi binato,” shares Lolo Reming. A house could be a status symbol in the neighborhood and but if that status is highly placed over relationships, sooner or later, that pride which rises boastfully over the others, will be struck. In the case of the Sto. Tomas folks, a newly-built house is traditionally and literally stoned if the owner is not well-received in the community.

At some point, their tailoring business grew profitably but he never desired to become a millionaire. Wealth is a two-edged sword. He said it can improve your life but it can also ruin your attitude and relationships.

Rev. Fr. Remigio Malgapo, the officiating priest in their Golden Wedding church ceremony, is another manifestation of a valued relationship. Lolo Reming was a regular host of his tukayo priest who used to hold pastoral visits in Sto. Tomas a long time ago. Their morbid banter was a testament to their closeness. “Kung sino man mauna sa amin, pangakong dadalawin nung isa” Lolo Reming said with a laugh. Fr. Malgapo, he said, offered he would say Mass for free, without a stipend.

The other overflowing attribute of Lolo Reming and Lola Felicing is gratitude. “Kapag nayari na ang lakad namin, kahit saan pa man yan, naghahanap kami ng simbahan para magpasalamat. Kung humiling ka man sa susunod, hindi ka mahihiya dahil hindi ka nakalimot sa Kanya,” Lolo Reming said of their ritual.

At Mokara during the reception, I was actually surprised that Lolo Reming, in his old age, took the effort of thanking his family, relatives, friends, employees and guests one by one, in such a long litany of names and gratitude. I was expecting age will take its toll on his memory but he never needed a list to remind and guide him. Gratitude is deeply embedded in him.

He’s a fully satisfied man now. He looked at me straight, paused, and counted with his fingers. “Gusto ko lang naman, makatapos ang mga anak, magkaroon ng sariling bahay, maging maayos ang mga apo, mailayo sa sakit. Wala na akong mahihiling pa.”

I tried profiling their personality to cover another aspect of their enduring relationship. Lolo Reming is direct, determined, appreciative. He has an aura of business-oriented professionalism. Lola Felicing is submissive. She defers naturally to Lolo Reming. From these attributes alone, I think these are too simple ingredients to build a 50-year marriage.

Again, my reflection swung to the Mokara reception. The tribute was extremely extended. It was like a long playing variety show. Song and dance numbers were affectionately offered by adults and kids alike. Greetings and messages from Australia were played. Somebody even went as far as securing a framed Apostolic Blessing for Lolo Reming and Lola Felicing from Pope Benedict!

Before leaving Mokara, Lolo Reming and Lola Felicing stopped by us, photographers. After thanking our group, Lolo Reming turned to me. “Salamat dahil nandito kayong mga officemates ni Rey. Ibig sabihin, maayos ang samahan ninyo sa opisina dahil dumalo kayo.”

Gratitude and valued relationships. These are hallmarks of Lolo Reming and Lola Felicing’s flourishing marriage.

...

Copyright 2012 Jerry James M. de la Torre for istoriami.

   

  

Rock and roll



“Close the gate!”

Masterdon and Francis, my two assistants, barely moved when a white Fortuner approached from behind me.

“I rented this place for the whole day. No one is supposed to invade this space,” I mumbled to myself. The Fortuner parked across the street. I glanced briefly, then turned to my assistants. “Close the gate! I’ll shoot it from a closed position. From there, open it slowly and I’ll follow through.”

While shooting, somebody from the Fortuner finally approached me. It turned out, he’s the owner of the place. He came with his niece to ask if we could shoot her wedding.

The inquiry became mostly acquaintance in nature. There was little need to introduce the details of our products and services. If my package price falls within their budget, it’s a done deal on the spot, or so one of them said. I mentioned our slant is a photostory but Jan declined to open up about their love story. She was content about the bragbook, which is basically bound pictures, without paragraphs.

I was supposed to shoot another client there at that time so I did not bother entertaining a lengthy talk on the details of this prospective wedding coverage. My time was already contracted to another couple, who arrived late for the shoot.

We parted ways with the informal agreement that we’ll discuss the wedding coverage options the next day. The Travieza factor made me feel I should at least sit down and find ways if I can reconfigure a package that is close to their asking price. Likewise, the couple turned out to be former students of a good friend. We’re practically tied up to some restrictions already but this one might qualify for an exception.

Two failed appointments more, we finally met again in our satellite office in Lexber, San Jose City. We have prepared the proposal to Jan, alongside the showcase of our work samples and gadgets. Still, the interest was on the price, not on the package contents.

Somewhere in the conversation, EJ, the groom, suddenly turned to Francis. “Ikaw, malakas ka bang uminom? Malakas ka bang kumain? Magsama kayo ng malakas uminom at kumain!”

That scene would go down as a major defining character of EJ. Clearly, we should approach the shoot differently with a client who has outbursts like that. We have never dealt with someone like him before. In my mind, the key lies in Cynthia, our stylist and their former teacher, to deal with EJ.

It should also be noted that EJ, the astig, carefree guy, could transform into a genuinely affectionate, adoring father whenever he holds Jaiden.

We tried our best to steer the transactions as formal as our previous deals with our clients but as days passed, the client was treating us in a very casual atmosphere. In the end, we were booked informally.

From experience, we realized the best time to shoot the gown is on the eve of the wedding when there is less traffic and tension in the vicinity of the hotel.

EJ and Jan arrived around 9pm with the gown and other accessories in tow. It was as though they have just came from a pre-wedding party.

Their prenuptial photo session was done by their friend photographer. As of the eve of the wedding, we don’t have any picture yet of the couple. It was already getting late and so we asked only for five test shots for the couple. It was a surprise that EJ was broadly smiling in as many chances. I was not sure though if that was his coping mechanism from the sagging effect of alcohol. Jan was a natural model. She posed fluidly.
The gown though turned out to be a very difficult shot. In the first place, the mannequin was too big for the gown. To avoid ripping the dress, we left the back zipper open. To prevent the gown from falling, we tucked it with multiple pins. I certainly felt like it took us centuries to set up the shoot.

For this project, we assembled the biggest team so far. I handled stills and occasional video from my slr. The same thing with Ruel. The stylists were Pin and Cynthia. Daisy was assigned to the instant file downloads and slideshow. Masterdon and Francis were lightsmen. Kuya Mon took the 3 CCD video. Don was our driver for the second vehicle.

We started shooting at around 10am on the wedding day. The church ceremony was set at 2pm one kilometer away from the hotel. I was told the make-up artist was late. We’re already contemplating of handling the minor touch up of Jan just for the sake of shooting her.

In what seemed like a magical moment, I found an amazing shot of the ring. I asked Masterdon, my assistant, to tilt the upper leaf of a palm to allow the right amount of ambient light. There was a confluence of light, color and geometry to my favor. Whenever I get a masterpiece capture, a calming energy envelops me. Until I get a satisfying picture like that, I don’t get the full affirmation that I deserved my post as a photographer. The anointing does not only come from the client. It should manifest in my camera display.

A little while later, the flower girls and other members of the entourage emerged one by one, all made up and dressed up. We managed a few shots.

Our photo session with EJ and the groomsmen was a breeze. Cynthia was very effective in her role not only as a stylist but most importantly, as a sedative.

For one of the groomsmen, EJ requested extra lights to compensate for his complexion. Everyone laughed. Other than a few minor signs of juvenile banter, everything was orderly.

To elicit a playful response from Baby Jaiden, we set up balloons and bubbles with nursery music. Perfect.

The make up of Jan was outstanding. It blended well with her natural beauty. Even you’re blind, chances are you can get awesome pictures of her.

Both parents did not bother with classic ceremonial shots with the couple. Maybe, time was running out. I offered to shoot EJ’s mother but she declined. She’s not satisfied with her hair and make up.

I didn’t see the bridesmaids linger at the hotel. We just met them at the church. Somewhere in the reception, we were able to catch them for a group picture with the bride.

At St. Joseph Cathedral, the entourage and guests are generally upper class. English speaking kids, some of them with SLRs, roamed confidently.

“What’s your name?” Pin asked one child.

“I’m four.”

“Your name is four?”

“Uhm...., yeah.”

The church affair was noteworthy for several highlights. The processional was classy and graceful.

EJ and his family were generally cheerful but were moved emotionally when Jan finally emerged in the aisle. Jan’s parents were overflowing with fond affection for Baby Jaiden. The shower of petals at the front of the church was festive. The bridal car, a Mercedes Benz, was pasted with a Just Married plate. A bunch of tin cans was towed behind.

EJ and Jan were married in a civil ceremony last year. Hence, this second wedding was also a religious compliance. The routine was still done, down to the kiss and group pictorial.

Agrinet, the reception venue, was filled with white and blue balloons on the floor, to the eternal delight of Energizer kids. The food was a heavenly largesse. There was a photobooth, lights and sounds set up and a mini-bar.

The program went about some of the classics. Couple’s dance with their parents. Tossing of the bouquet. Garter ritual. Cake and wine. Speeches.

Aside from the usual love each other admonition, what surprised me was the humility of the parents. “You have seen our mistakes. May you not repeat them.” Or words to that effect.

The spice of the program was competently provided by Elvis, who sang a number of old time favorites in his iconic Presley side burns, long-sleeve top and bell bottom.

A slideshow of the stills earlier in the day was also shown, accompanied by Colbie Caillat’s I Do.

After meals, the fun of the event erupted in boisterous laughters, free flowing alcohol, horseplay poses for the camera.

I would fondly remember this event for the couple’s parents who played along as though newlyweds themselves. The crowd would scream for hugs and kisses and they would oblige. Or scream back. Jan sat on EJ’s lap for a picture, their parents followed suit, to the earthshaking roar and laughters of the crowd. Amazing. Bridesmaids, in their gowns, would jump to the men for a piggyback ride. The kids chase and whip each other with the balloons. The young men in a round table may be sitting still most of the time but they have their own cocktail of mischief. They would sweep the balloons underneath the table. Somebody whistles with an upward shuttle of a finger through the mouth, then explosion immediately follows a la kwitis. The balloons get butchered one by one under the table. Everyone was having fun in such unrestrained fashion. If you're not looking, you wouldn't know there are adults in the festive playground.

I walked to the parking lot while browsing through my mental weddings database. How do I label EJ and Jan’s affair into the archives?

Rock and roll wedding of the year!


...
EJ and Jan Constantino-Eugenio
Church: St. Joseph Cathedral, San Jose City, Nueva Ecija, Philippines
Reception: Agrinet Garden, San Jose City, Nueva Ecija, Philippines
12Feb2012

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